our last goodbye

The day was bright. Warm. The sunlight reflecting off of the pool of water was that of the middle of summer. The water shone like glass, holding a perfect reflection of the weeping willow that hung over the water, barely touching the surface. Insects buzzed through the air, bees flitting from flower to flower amidst the newborn butterflies that had just burst from their cocoons.

But somehow, the beauty was lost on him.

Severus walked slowly, hands shoved deep in his pockets. He was dressed more warmly then the day called for, his skin prickling uncomfortably under the heavy fabric of his dark sweater. His skin was nearly white apart from the dark, shadowy circles that were hung beneath his eyes. His hair was greasy and overgrown, like a flowering plant who had no one to tend to it, so had grown awkwardly and messily.

He was walking as a young man, a few years out of school, with the potential of a fine wizard. Although away from this peaceful place hidden within the muggle world, there was a war brewing. This didn't concern him. Or at least at that moment, Severus felt as though it didn't concern him.

Drenched in numbness, he was drowning in memories and the scent that filled the air. Thick. Sweet. Flowery. The lilies..

They lined the edge of the pond, their white blossoms bright, healthy and clear in the midst of the summer. The scent was what reminded of her the most. Perhaps it was just her name…but there had been more then one peaceful summer afternoon when he had escaped the roughness of his childhood home. At first, he had just been trying to run away. But then, she had given him something to look forward to. Something to smile at. Something to live for…

He was at the edge of the water now, and Severus bent to his knees. Ignoring the dampness that clutched at the fabric of his trousers from the damp ground, he gently cupped the flower within his hands. They had seemed so large when he had picked them for her before, but that was years ago. Now, the flower was so delicate. So beautiful, but there was sturdiness hidden inside of it. How she was like the flower she was named for!

He held the flower to his face, breathing deeply the sweet scent that filled his mind. There was a burning in his eyes, and he thought that the tears that he had long suppressed were about to escape. But her voice startled him from his reverie, and he looked up, but as yet, he wasn't sure if he were dreaming.

She was coming towards him across the summery grass, and how beautiful did she look! Her hair was free, blowing behind her in the auburn red that was so infamous to her. She was dressed in a small white summer dress, which although the thought fleetingly passed his mind, managed to not so much remind Severus of the wedding gown that she had only so recently worn. But she looked so beautiful, so natural, so real, that he couldn't be bothered by it.

"Severus…?" Lily was smiling, although a little unsurely, and Severus felt the sting at her uncertainty. He was reminded all to clearly of the last time that they had spoken, when he had begged her not to marry Potter, and she had fled with tears on her face and frustration in her voice. "I didn't think anyone would be here…"

"Lily…" Severus stood up. Too quickly? Too eagerly? He wasn't sure. He didn't care. "W-What—" he paused to steady his voice. "What are you doing here?"

For a moment, she didn't answer him. But now she was at the edge of the water, her bright green eyes were turned away from him, but he could still see the small, curious smile that tilted the corner of her mouth.

"I'm allowed to come here if I'd like, Severus." She said lightly, and suddenly her gaze had been turned to him. For a moment, Severus felt as though he truly couldn't breathe as she continued with a soft sigh. "I don't know…I just thought…I should properly say good-bye."

Again, Severus felt the breath leave him. Although this time, it was in a manner that was quite different from the first time. "Right…"

There was a long silence, and although there wasn't much space between them, Severus felt as though they were miles apart. There had been a time when they had stood in that very spot, with nothing but the breeze between them. But now, there was the whole length of a war, years, and James Potter's ego between them.

Then she took a small step forwards, and her smaller hand was wrapped around his. "I don't want this to be good-bye to you, Sev." She said quietly, her voice as sweet as the wind on the lilies. "But I feel like it has to be…"

"It does…" Severus answered, just as quietly. He tightened his grip around her hand, just enough to be firm. The words were slicing away at his already bleeding heart, but he knew it was what had to be said. "You've made your choice, Lily…and I wasn't it. But…James will take care of you…I just want you to be safe…and happy."

"Oh, Severus…" Lily's voice was hardly above a whisper, and he could see that her eyes were shining with tears. But there was happiness there…relief…and he knew he had said the right thing. He had made her happy. "You are a truly brave man."

It was in the middle of summer, beside the pond that they used to come. When he tightly held onto Lily's hand, and could smell the lilies from the water and the sweet scent that clung to her hair. It was just before the war truly started, and just before her life ended as quickly and shortly as that as a flower's.

It was just once.

He kissed her.